Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"it's coming, it's COMING, IT'S COMING"

Lets see...what have I been up to since January? I've started and finished massage school. It was a crazy 5 months with even crazier people. I know most of you are going to be surprised, but apparently getting naked and rubbed attracts weirdos. Both students and clients. I was shocked too.

The students ranged from the blind guy with the mean narcissistic wife who yelled at him in front of the class to the dumb as door nails girl that accidentally ate glass to the goth bisexual. It was quite the education.

The clients. I cringe just thinking about it. I've tried to block out most but the ones that are permanently burned in my mind are the 350 lb guy that got a 2 hr session and then got happy and spent the next 90 mins talking about it. There was the midget and the large woman who flashed me twice and not just the top half :( The talker who told me he cheated on his wife and the kid who had the worst odor I've ever had the pleasure of being stuck in a 6x6 room with. And my personal favorite, the groaner who said and I quote "it's coming, it's COMING, IT'S COMING" in reference to his muscle releasing. Not that muscle, but I did check hoping for an excuse to end the session. No such luck.

Between traumas I did have some good times. I met a few people that are almost normal ;) They made the whole thing bearable and kept me laughing.

One of them volunteered me to go back to the school with her today and pair up with a student to evaluate their skills. We got there last and I got stuck with the creepy guy. The goth bisexual is still there and he ended up being my partner. I'll call him Gio and he kind of looks like this.
He's actually a very polite kid, but it's so over the top it's uncomfortable. He's that person that hugs you and won't let go and you have to tap him a few times. It gives me creepy chills to say this but his massage is very intimate. It's soft and light and he's almost caressing you instead of massaging. Due to his lack of boundaries his draping is pretty minimal so one of my cheeks is hanging completely out and he's feeling me up and making sure to get all around the edges :( I'm debating what to say to him in this massive room with 16 people in it that won't completely embarrass him but that will get him to cover up my pooper, when he leans down and whispers in my ear "is this tender?" Let me explain why this is so much worse than you think.


  1. His hand has gone from caressing my butt to gently cupping it while he talks because we were taught to not lose contact with the client. Dumbest rule ever.
  2. His breathe was hot and smelly and right in my ear.
  3. He whispered because we were taught to use spa voices so we don't ruin the relaxing atmosphere, but it came out more husky and sexual than relaxing.
  4. Is this tender? Really. That was what came to his mind while his hand is you know where.
  5. No, it wasn't tender.
It didn't ever get better and I left feeling violated and oily, and not in a good way. I'm just grateful I don't have to go back there. I've got my license and I'm working out of my house. I've taken my first CranioSacral class and I'm doing my internship. Life is getting better and better!

Call me to make an appointment and I promise I won't cup your pooper.

Friday, January 22, 2010

A Whole New World

I haven't posted about all the testing I've been doing because I'm not sure how much I really want to put out there. You never know how it's going to be taken and it's been a very personal process. Having said that, I know other people can benefit from it so I'll share some of what I've learned.

I've had trouble getting pregnant and in my search for answers I've met wonderful people and been introduced to a whole new world of health care.

I've talked about CranioSacral Therapy and how much that's changed my life. So much that I have decided to become one. I have to get a massage license so I can legally touch people, there's a joke in there somewhere but I'm going to let it pass, and then take the CranioSacral classes. I'm hoping to be done and have my own business by 2011.

During my initial testing I was getting abnormal results, but with no specific diagnosis. My first OB wanted to use a type of acid to burn off the top few layers of my uterus and see if the abnormal cells grew back. Oh, but there might be scarring which could cause irreparable damage. The doc didn't understand why I didn't want to go through with it. I told her I wanted to look into natural options first, but I'd get back to her if I wanted to burn my skin off. I later requested my records and she wrote down that I requested "natural" alternatives. You could read the disbelief in her quotations.

The next OB wanted to put me on prednisone to "see if that works." Can you read the disbelief in MY quotations? The list of side effects for prednisone is so long they end it with "and etc."

At a loss, I decided to look outside "traditional medicine." I'm taking the quotations too far aren't I? I'll stop. I was referred to the Tennant Institute for Integrative Medicine. They integrate different forms of therapy. For example, acupuncture, homeopathy, essential oils, chakras, craniosacral and TKM to name a few.

Dr. Jerry Tennant has an amazing story of triumph. He was one of the worlds leading eye surgeons when he contracted a life threatening virus in his brain from his work. He was unable to read or write, except for a few hours a day, and all the doctors told him there was nothing that could be done. He started researching how to heal individual cells and was able to heal himself through his findings. He has dedicated the last several years to educating and healing others. When I hear about people who drastically change their lives because they've triumphed over a trial I can't help but want to know more.

Dr. Tennants philosophy, according to my treatment, is detox, nutrition, supplementation and energy therapy. You have to help your body get rid of the toxins, put in only healthy raw food, take vitamins to supplement what you aren't getting from food and then increase the energy to your cells.

The science behind energy therapy in my layman terms is that your organs run at a certain frequency and when that frequency drops, due to toxins and/or poor nutrition, it leads to disease and illness. For example, it's a fact that the brain runs at 78 megahertz, but if your cells aren't getting what they need, then your frequency drops and issues arise to alert you to the problem. If you increase the frequency to the cells then they can start to heal themselves.

They have several avenues for energy therapy. The option I chose was TKM (The King Method, after the man who founded it). I can't explain TKM as well as the King Institute so I copied an explanation in case you're interested.

TKM® is the use of basic physiological physics to help restore the correct circulation or conductivity of the electrical system in the body. ATKM® professional places both hands lightly on two different and precise locations on the body (over clothing). The positive polarity of the right palm and fingers and the negative polarity of the left palm and fingers stimulate the body's energy to move (in the same manner electricity is stimulated to move), traveling along established pathways from the location of one hand to the other. Then it circulates onward through the pathways that return the electrical current to the other hand's location. This flow of bio electromagnetic circulation promotes better blood and lymphatic circulation, increased CNS (central nervous system) conductivity and enzyme activity, all of which are important to rejuvenate the body's systems. The touch of the person's hands on the recipient's (person receiving help) body is light, and there is no pressure or rubbing. The body responds to the treatment easily without irritation to its systems (unlike certain other Eastern modalities such as acupuncture). This gentle, natural way of stimulating the vital bio electromagnetic system circulate properly (coherence) produces no negative repercussions. In addition, the treatments are very effective in relieving tension, stress and pain.

It's been about 4 months since my first appointment and I've done large intestine, gallbladder, liver, parasite and infection cleanses. Dr. Tennant did 5 vials worth of blood tests, and due to the results I take about 10 supplements a day. I have drastically increased the amount of fruits and vegetables I eat, really tried to get rid of all the chemicals in the house from tooth paste to laundry detergent, had 6 TKM sessions and I feel great.

Except that I haven't gotten pregnant yet. I've tried not to get caught up in the craziness that comes with trying to get pregnant, but last month was hard. In my TKM sessions with Vickie, the therapist, she gets stuck at a certain point...in every session. She says it's a bugger and that the energy doesn't flow very well through that point. We've been expecting it to get better, but it hasn't. It's by my hips and we've come to the conclusion that whatever is going on is contributing to why I can't get pregnant.

I had to go to College Station last week so while I was there I had an appointment with Kim, my rock'n CranioSacral therapist. My last few appointments have been pretty calm and more physical than emotional. This one started out that way, but I was talking to Kim about what Dr.Tennant told me about my blocked energy and she had an idea of what the problem might be. It turned out she knew what she was talking about. Not that I ever doubt her. I feel like it was the last piece to the puzzle. All the work I've done over the past year and a half has been one progression after another. I look back now and I wonder how I was living like that.

I'm beyond grateful for the people I've met, things I've learned and the positive changes that have been made. I'm excited about what the future holds. I believe that the things I've been through are going to be invaluable for my own practice and the people I'm going to help and be able to relate to the way few other people can.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

True Marzetta Style

There have been some pretty funny things that have happened lately that I've got to post about so I don't forget.
Billy and I have been in a really good place lately. Well, when I say good, I mean feisty. This may turn out to be TMI, but at least it will be funny TMI.

Billy and I were laying down for bed, and it seems that one of is usually tired and the other isn't, but we try to always go to bed together. The other night I was ready for bed and Billy was feeling a little wired. He was expecting some good cuddling and I was only willing to give a quick kiss and maybe a cheap feel if he left me alone. He wouldn't leave me alone, so I rolled over and "gave him the butt" as he calls it. He laid there quietly for half a second and says "I swear, as soon as you fall asleep I'm going to punch you in the face." I was cracking up! Does anybody know what movie that's from?

Billy won't believe this, but pillow talk really is one of my favorite things...if I'm not too tired. The problem is we're night owls and usually go to bed around 1 so I'm usually too tired. The other night I was out of it and first in bed. Billy lays down and is draping himself all over me and I was doing my best to lay there like a dead fish so as not to encourage him. He gives up on the idea of cuddling and says "Is it so wrong that I like to be held?" Does your husband use emotional blackmail on you too? After all these years together Billy is starting to realize my methods and use them against me.
To show that I can laugh at myself and not just my husband I'll share a recent embarrassing moment.

I've had my braces on for 7 months now and I still hate them. I have a medical issue with the inside of my cheeks where they don't callous over. So even though it's been 7 months my braces still rub my cheeks raw. Due to this I tend to mumble and lets just say I don't eat out much anymore. I was reading the book Hunger Games, which I recommend, and I was at a really intense part and I didn't want to put it down so I was eating and reading. I was at the part where Katniss is creeping up on someone and she's trying to be quiet and then out of nowhere I see and feel something land on my arm and I JUMP. After I calmed down I figured it was a bug or something, but when I put my arm back on the table there was a chunk of food still there. That's right, I scared myself half to death with see-food.

Shameful.

Just the way we like it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Halloween PARTY!

Laurie was nice enough to get us invited to a Halloween Party with a bunch of her friends. They take this party pretty seriously because not only are costumes mandatory, but you have to do a skit.

I'm pretty sure I have the best husband ever because when I told him what we were thinking about doing he said "As long as I can wear a cup, I'm in." That will make more sense in a minute.

Laurie's husband was out of town so we needed a skit with 2 girls and a guy....it was harder than you're thinking. Get your mind out of the gutter. We finally came up with re-enacting the VMA Award Show with Beyonce, Taylor Swift and Kanye.
But we added a little twist. Here it is!


We did tons better in practice, but with all the stripping and laughing we got a little distracted. Billy rocked it though and stole the show. They have awards for the best costume and best performance and we won for best performance!

Hope you had as much fun as we did this Halloween.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I'm Alive!

I've gotten enough phone calls and emails to light a fire under my tush to get this post done finally. You better appreciate it too because it took me forever to get all the pictures to go together and align right. Blogger needs to make the stupid window bigger. Anyway, without further ado, here it is. My New House!

This is the study. The previous owners had this awful unpainted tin in the window. I think it probably started out as a good idea, but then after they got it in and secured it 3 different ways they stopped. I was worried it was going to take the dry wall off, but I got it down undamaged.





























This is the dining room. I got the painting from Paris framed and this is our new formal dining table. I feel so grown up...not that I've eaten on it. I'll probably have a table cloth a bib when I do though. It's so pretty I don't want to mess it up.





























This is the living room, business center and kitchen. We had ALL the cabinets painted. The painter said the cheap material the cabinets were made of wouldn't hold a stain so we had to paint. We've had some problems with the ADD painter so he's coming back to redo them, but if you don't look to close they look OK.





























I didn't get a before pic straight on of the kitchen, but here it is after. Isn't it purdy?
















Here are the built-ins. We had them painted the same color as the cabinets. We decided to hang the TV because it would have been to far away in either of the built-ins. I think we need a bigger one though. It looks so small in the picture. I need some nick-knack crap to put on the shelves. I tried, but I suck at buying that kind of stuff. I've gone to 7 stores but I just end up wandering through the store thinking 'people really buy this crap?' If any one has any favorite places let me know.





























I suck at taking pictures and it really shows here. I couldn't get the lighting right. This is the living room with our new couches and end tables. You can't tell, which is probably good, but they are so comfortable that I already have my spot and have a left a butt print. You know it's been broken in after you spill something, check, and there's cheek indention's, CHECK!





























This is the hallway. I know everyone wanted to see the hallway. I just want props for painting the entire house. That, and this was one of the first things painted. I swear the painter is either high or has an attention span of a 2 year old. Who paints a hallway first and the master bathroom last? Yes, I talked to him. He did the same thing I did to my parents when I was a kid. Apologized, said he'd fix it and then did whatever the hell he wanted. OK, I might still do that.








































Besides the kitchen I think the master bathroom is the biggest transformation. Not that you can see it because I didn't take a before picture, but imagine a booger green wall with a big plain mirror. I think we did a good job fixing it up. Although, after booger green you can't get much worse. Did you notice too that none of the other walls were painted. Out of the whole house one wall in the master bathroom was painted and they chose booger green...I guess I should be grateful they only painted one wall. Can you imagine what else they would have done??
















That's it. I hope it was worth the wait. I still have tons to do. Pictures can be a little deceiving that way. All I did was move the mess to the floor and WA LA, it's clean.

Thanks to Laurie for helping me decorate and hang everything, and if it's crooked I'm sure it's my fault. A big smooch to Billy for moving our stuff 14 times and then living in chaos for 3 weeks. It's starting to come together and we're excited for the next chapter here in Fort Worth.