Too Much Culture Can Be A Bad Thing

I have had THE best 2 weeks! Billy and I hadn't spent more than 3 consecutive days together since December until 2 weeks ago. Crazy right? Well we finally made time for ourselves and have spent everyday of the past 2 weeks together. It's been wonderful. My birthday was on the 3rd and my fabulous husband went above and beyond this year. I'll post about that later though because I want to post about my week in Paris first. That's right. The following week Billy and I jetted off to Paris. It was my first time in Europe and I was really looking forward to it. 

I have to say though it didn't live up to my expectations. We had fun and we're glad we went, but we won't be going back. It was smelly (people and places), the french aren't the friendliest, all the art is of naked men and women and it's crazy expensive. The currency exchange is our 59 cents to their 1 euro...almost half! Stuff over there is already on the pricey side and then you have to almost double it. Every time we ate or went on a tour we usually felt like it wasn't worth the money, which put a damper on things.  

We did do and see some fun stuff though. Here is Billy doing his best angry warrior pose inside the Arc de Triomphe.

Here he is outside looking good in his Paris sweater that we bought because the airline lost our luggage for a day.

We wanted to get our picture taken together so we looked around and saw this chubby couple and figured they were Americans, which they were, but they took the worst picture ever. Stupid Fat Americans.

We went to the Louvre and made sure we didn't ask any fat Americans to take our picture.

I thought the Louvre was cool. It's wicked huge, at a mile and a half long and 3 stories tall. Billy and I decided that we're not educated enough to appreciate the art. For example, explain this one to me. I just don't getit ;)

We stopped by the Orsay museum and found more of the same. This is called the Roman Orgy. Everybody was getting their picture taken in front of it...so I figured when in Rome.

At this point I was getting a little tired of seeing teetees, tatas and little marble uncircumcised peter's. I mean really. Can they not paint clothes?? I thought Paris was the fashion capital of the world but I wasn't seeing any clothes at all! And what's with all the lusty nakedness with little naked stone kids watching? Have they no shame?

We went to the Palace of Versailles and I finally asked the tour guide about the naked kids and he said most of them were actually angles, as if that made it better, and then followed it up with "And nude is better." I thought about saying there's a reason people call IT 'bumping uglies', but figured I'd have to explain it and I didn't want to embarrass Billy like that.

We got lost trying to find the Eiffel Tower. It can happen, I assure you. We finally found it after walking in circles for a while.

But when we got close the line just to get a ticket was RIDICULOUS! So Billy made an executive decision.

I will give the French props on their pastries. We went into this restaurant and ordered a coke, because even their water tastes dirty, and the waiter asked if we wanted medium or large... 

We should have gone with medium. We also got a nutella crepe with whip creme and raspberries. Rocked my world. Literally, it was so much sugar I went from skipping on the high to stumbling as I went into the sugar coma. We had some good pizza and sandwiches and sorbet and maybe more crepe's. We didn't have good luck with some pasta with what I think were clams in it or salmon that was boiled :(

The whole time we were there Billy and I kept talking about how angry the French seemed. We didn't get spit on or anything, but they are like stone faced. You make eye contact on the street or metro and they don't even acknowledge you. I don't know how they physically do it. It's seriously impressive. We asked another tour guide about it and he said that you aren't supposed to talk to people on the street unless you're hitting on them. And then they are only supposed to respond if they're interested. It's a good thing Billy and I are so undesirable because we were totally putting ourselves out there all week smiling and saying hi. It's a miracle we didn't end up in an embarrassing situation with all the propositions we made. After we learned that we figured we better practice our 'french faces'.  

Billy's is better because he is able to look uninterested and angry at the same time. Very authentic.

Our favorite part of the whole trip was going behind this cathedral where all these artists were and finding this painting that we bought. We love it...because everyone has clothes one.

I take it back. The best part of the whole trip was on the metro. The metro is smelly and crazy and the doors slam shut and don't come open if you get caught in them. It was our last day and we were on our way back to the airport when at a station this french kid comes running towards the train, but the buzzer starts and when that happens you better get out of the way. Well the idiot stops right in the door way and they close...hard. So he's trying to keep them open, not very successfully and then we see his girlfriend running up too. So he tries to move aside so she can squeeze through but he moves too much and the doors SLAM right on her face and chest and she's standing there half in half out squirming with what has to be the best pain face I've ever seen. No one and I mean NO ONE on the train moves to help. Billy and I are both expecting the train to start moving with her flailing about but the boyfriend is finally able to pull the doors open and get her the rest of the way on. Billy and I are trying to not to laugh out loud, but everyone else is stone cold except for this little Indian dude. He was straight faced but when I looked up he cracked a little smile before he looked down and resumed his scowl. It was hil-freaking-larious!!!

That was pretty much our trip. We saw a few other things, but I don't want to offend any more people than I may have already. It was fun to see everything and experience some culture, but we're happy to be back home.